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'We have the worst bathroom in the world,' Na says.
But because she's trying to talk and brush her teeth at the same time it sounds more like 'weavezewersebarfroominvaworlve'.
OK, maybe ‘worst’ is a slight exaggeration. The worst would be completely decrepit, not working and falling down, a take-your-life-in-your-hands-every-time-you-take-a-shower kind of bathroom. Ours isn't nearly that bad, it is functional after all. But it sure is ugly.
When we first moved in it was the worst room in a house that reeked of crimes against interiors. Pink walls, a pink bath, grey and pink tiles and a laminate vanity that even the 1970s would have rejected. Here, look at it.
Inspired by watching every season of Selling Houses Australia we did a cosmetic reno - changed the tapware, updated the lighting, sprayed the tiles, painted the walls and replaced the stick-on vinyl floor tiles with basic porcelain ones. Shaynna would have been proud.
And for a while that was fine. But then things started to change. The spray-on surface started to lift and our two small children (Maddy is five and Ava is almost three) delighted in peeling it off during bath time. Fun! Even our dogs, Sid and Bella, got in on the act by scratching some of the paint off the tiles. And now it looks completely crap.
That was almost four years ago when we first moved to our renovator in Somers.
Somers clings to the south-eastern tip of Victoria’s Mornington Peninsula. It’s a quiet town - there’s the General Store, Post Office, a primary school, a kindergarten, the Lord Somers Camp and, well, that’s about it. If you walk down to the beach you can look across Western Port Bay to Phillip Island.
I’ve always thought that Somers was a very apt name for a coastal town; almost a little too perfect. Turns out though that it wasn’t someone in the council planning office trying to be a bit clever but it was named after a past governor of Victoria who established the Lord Somers Camp. Thank you, Wikipedia.
Some consider this to be the unfashionable side of the peninsula - it definitely isn’t Sorrento or Rye, but then it’s not Capel Sound either (Google it) - but we love it because it’s quiet and largely undiscovered.
Somers is made up of an odd mix of houses. Some are classic beach shacks that look like they were built over a series of weekends, others are Hamptons-inspired retreats that wouldn’t look out of place in Portsea, while other houses look like they belong on Ramsay Street.
Our house is one of the latter. It’s a late-50s cream brick veneer house that would look perfectly at home in any suburb - there are thousands just like it throughout Melbourne. There’s probably one on your street. Here’s a picture of it.
Since moving here in mid-2013 we have renovated pretty much the entire place. We painted every wall, steamed off the colonial bush scene wallpaper (what was even stranger than the design was the decision of which walls to hang it on, random to say the least) and the chicken wallpaper in the kitchen. Next, we ripped up the green carpet and polished the beautiful floorboards that were hidden beneath. We knocked a wall out between the kitchen and dining room, windows have since become doors, and our kitchen and dining room now look out onto a large deck.
On weekends our two girls cut laps around the deck on their scooters like its Chapel Street on a Friday night, while our dogs laze happily in the sun, keeping one eye open in case one of the girls zigs when she should have zagged.
It’s not the kind of house you’ll ever see featured in a magazine - ‘Startling beachside renovation’. No, this house is a piece of suburbia that took a wrong turn and never bothered finding its way back.
But it’s home.
It’s taken a lot of weekends, holidays and evenings but finally the inside is taking shape, the tide has turned in the battle against the ugly. And emerging from the wreckage is a space that our family feels connected to and is proud to call home. We’ve worked together to complete as much of the work as our limited DIY skills have allowed us to, we’ve argued about light fittings and paint colours and come out the other side. Now as our renovation journey nears its end there’s just one room left, the bathroom - AKA the worst room in our home.
So my wife, Na, and I made the call - the bathroom has to go. We’ve decided on a full reno, a total gut job. This is the diary of our bathroom renovation.
The final reveal
And we're done. OK, there's a little bit more work to do on the exterior of the window to clean up the dodgy ugly eaves but the interior is finally complete following some (lengthy) bath tap dramas. It's not the tap we initially purchased, but you can't win them all. Overall, we’re stoked with the finished room, we love the space and it’s turned out just as we hoped.
So, what did we learn? Here's a few final thoughts.
Be prepared
We had spreadsheets, we'd looked online, in-store and all over social but despite all the research we weren't still quite fully prepared. Deliveries run late, hidden problems are uncovered, it happens. Purchase as many things as you can as far out as possible to avoid installation delays if a delivery deadline is missed.
Your budget is probably wrong
Ours certainly was. We budgeted $30k, but the the total came to $35k. Why did we blow out? The main reason is that we didn't stick to the budget on one particular item - we ended up spending a lot more on the vanity than we had budgeted. The other area where costs blew out was tiles - I miscalculated the amount of tiles we'd need, then we decided mid-project to tile all the way to the ceiling. It all adds up. Set aside 10% of your budget for unexpected surprises to cover yourself.
Check, check then check again
If you're doing this for the first time then maybe run your figures by a friend or someone you know who has renovation experience. They may pick up something you've missed, which could save you a (potentially costly) delay in the future.
Work with good people
Renovations take time. Our bathroom took 4 weeks in the end - the Olympics are run and done in half that time. Before you kick off a big project, make sure you meet your tradies first. Get multiple quotes and make sure you feel comfortable with who you give the job to. We chose our builder because during the quote process he was happy to discuss options and welcomed our input into the final layout of the room. He also had a good portfolio of work on his Facebook page. As for our other trades, we were lucky that our electrician is a relative and the plumber is his best mate and we've worked together previously on other projects. There's a lot to be said for having trust in your trades - ask around and get recommendations from people you trust. It can mean the difference between a great outcome and one that you're less than satisfied with.
What’s next?
Probably the small garden outside the bathroom window, but that’s a project for another (sunnier) day.
